Born without a father?

On June 19, 2011, a young girl will experience her first Father’s Day without her dad. On June 7, eleven days before, this girl came into the world just hours after her father left it.

I remember my first Father’s Day without my dad. It was as hard as I imagined it would be, about 3 ½ months after he died. I was away from home on vacation, and in the teen group at the church I visited, the leader asked for all of us who “have a godly dad at your home” to raise our hands (why he did this, I do not know, but I could tell he regretted it after three of eight kids didn't respond). With two other visitors, I sat there wondering if I qualified because technically, my godly dad wasn't in my home.

This young girl in NY probably won’t have to worry about explaining things to people for a while. She won’t have to deal with the shock of death when she's a child, or the realization that life is really hard before she’s old enough to understand how to deal with it.

In some ways, I envy her ignorance and inexperience in life. It’s easy for us to wish things had never happened, to wish we had never had to experience something and feel the pain so many people around us haven’t known. It’s easy to believe that life would be so much better if we didn't have the burden of grief to carry with us. If only, like her, we were blissfully ignorant to how deeply painful loss is. Sometimes I wonder, maybe it wouldn't be so hard not to have a father if I hadn't had one and lost him.

But I know that this girl in NY will grow up and feel just the opposite. With absolutely no memories of her dad, she will spend a lot of time wishing he were there, wondering what life could have been. She will believe that, if her dad had to die, she would be willing to endure any kind of grief later in life if only she had a few more years with him.

And that is where she will envy a person like me, who had fourteen more years of Father’s Days' with a father than she will ever have. While I’m jealous that she won’t have to know the pain of having and losing a father, she will wish she had a father to lose in the first place.

Isn't this how we spend our emotional energy sometimes? Whether it's about a job, a friend, a relationship, or something as great as death, how much time do we waste wondering what could have happened, thinking our lives could be better, wondering if God got something wrong.

Doubt Not His Grace

Over the past few months, I have been waiting on some very important news that would affect the direction of my life.  As I waited, every day I hoped that the news would come. It was extremely difficult at times to tell the Lord that I knew His timing was perfect and that I was content waiting for it.  During times of discomfort or suffering, it is often easy to overlook the fact that God is grace. He knows exactly what we need and He also knows exactly the right time to give it to us.  For some reason, even though we have all heard this a million times, trusting God when it's not comfortable is definitely easier said than done.


Long story short, the news came this week!  It came when I was least expecting it, honestly, and the outcome was also what I had least expected after waiting for so long.  I had had a rough day, and receiving an answer from the Lord to all of my many prayers over this topic was exactly what I needed in that exact moment.  No sooner, no later--that was clear.

Lessons from a Jiffy Lube

I was getting my oil changed some months ago and noticed an article on the wall from USA Today. It was about how to get better gas mileage. I’d heard most of the suggestions before: proper tire inflation, tune-ups, filter changes, good fuel, etc. However, there were two that I had not considered.

The first – When traveling on hot days (especially in newer cars), drive with the windows closed and the a/c on. I thought the advice would have been the exact opposite – turn off the a/c and roll the windows down. What I failed to consider was the incredible importance of aerodynamics. Cars are built aerodynamically to reduce wind drag which increases the fuel mileage. The drag that is created by the windows being open makes the car less fuel efficient than when the a/c is on and the windows are closed. Hmmmmmm. I guess we should stick with the design and plan.

The second – Check the car for extra weight (especially the trunk). Extra weight accounts for reduced fuel mileage, increased wear and tear on the tires, and increased load on the transmission and motor. That would seem to be a no-brainer. But how often do we throw stuff in the trunk only to forget about it? I checked my trunk . . . amazing.

Underwater and Helpless

 

In the summer of 2008 we ran a teen camp for our church teens at the Circle K Ranch in southwestern Colorado. It’s located in a beautiful spot in the mountains. The temperatures are wonderfully “cool to cold.” It’s a nice break from the Arizona daytime heat of 105-115˚.

We focus on spiritual things and have lots of fun, too. One of the highlights of the week is a 3-4 hour rafting trip down the Animas River. It’s a fairly easy run with a lot of wet fun. The only challenging part for beginners is toward the middle of the run (where pictures of each raft are taken): a section of rapids that is perhaps 100 yards in length. 

Before the whitewater adventure begins we are given instructions on what to do if someone falls out of a raft. The person in the water is told what to do to be recovered, and those in raft are told how to recover the raft-less one. They were simple instructions which stressed teamwork and safety.

At the beginning of the rapids our boat got hung-up on a rock, so we all moved to the low side (as instructed) and bounced up and down in an effort to free ourselves. It worked perfectly. The boat slid down the rock and we scrambled to our seats and our footholds. Did I say perfectly? Well, perfectly except for one small detail, I became separated from the raft. For all you slow people - I fell in. The thought that I might have fallen all by myself is untenable, so I imagine that the lady sitting next to me must have pushed me. I’ll stick to that story.