Silence: the Deafening Din

I have, O Lord, a noisy heart. And entering outward silence doesn't stop the inner clamor. In fact, it seems only to make it worse.
When I am full of activity, the internal noise is only a distant rumble; but when I get still, the rumble amplifies itself. And it is not like the majestic sound of symphony rising to a grand crescendo; rather it is the deafening din of clashing pots and clanging pans. What a racket! Worst of all, I feel helpless to hush the interior pandemonium.

Dear Lord, Jesus, once you spoke peace to the wind and the wave. Speak your shalom over my heart. I wait silently...patiently. I receive into the very core of my being your loving command, "Peace, be still." Amen. 

(Prayers from the Heart. 1994, Harper San Francisco.)

As we prepare for a new year, the thought of a new set of 365 sets of 24 hours is refreshing. Though it is also somewhat daunting.  Too appealing is the temptation to mull over the worries and anxieties those days will bring through the trials and hardships that are sure to arise. The temptation to dwell on needs unmet, desires unfulfilled, and dreams crushed. Those things surely happened on some level over the past twelve months, so the coming year will no doubt be yet another roller coaster of crashing circumstances and surging emotions.

When we find our minds wandering in this direction, meandering through Memory Lane and making a wrong turn onto Regret Drive, we must stop and reevaluate our path. If we really believe that God is still in Heaven and that He is who He says He is, who are we to allow anxiety and worry to claim our hearts? A loving God dwells within us who reigns in ultimate goodness: holiness and love. I find that when I allow my perspective to be introspective and self-analyzing, my thoughts and emotions truly clamor within me to an unbearable level. However, when I turn my perspective to be God-analyzing and truly seek out the face and character of my Savior, my worries turn to prayers, my anxieties are overcome by promises, and my fears are ruled out with patience. What an awesome God we serve, and when we humbly recognize that He is in supreme control over every second of our lives, we can then rejoice in both the joys and sorrows that our days may bring. To spend our days wisely in spite of our emotions is to remember that when God made time, He surely made enough of it.

And when the clamor is too loud and the silence is deafening, we can quiet our souls with the cleansing promises of our Savior.

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.
{Psalm 139:16}

~ GE (College Sophomore)

Dark and Gloomy Scenes

"I am deeply sensible in the kind of care of my heavenly Father.... Still, were it not for the support we derive from the Gospel of Jesus, we should be with ready to sink down in despondency, in view of thee dark and gloomy scenes around us. But when we recollect that Jesus has commanded his disciples to carry the Gospel to the heathen, and promised to be with them to the end of the world; that God has promised to give the heathen to his Son for an inheritance, we are encouraged to make a beginning, though in the midst of discouragement, and leave it to Him to grant success, in his own time and way."  {Ann Judson}

Sometimes, complicated and unwanted circumstances and emotions wrap such a tight grip around our minds that our souls struggle to rise above the heaviness on our hearts. It seems impossible to move on, to progress, with the mire of grief, pain, and hurt engulfing our feet. Forget finishing the race-- the next step is even too difficult to defeat. 

But alas, behold! The cross of Christ gleams in the darkness, and our Father is gracious enough to remind us that we are not running the race alone. The scene around us is bleak, but the finish line is yet attainable with the help of a Friend. Strength is renewed in our weary bodies by way of short seasons of rest. Encouragement enters our sore hearts as we glean promises and assurance from the Word. Sustenance is outstretched to our grappling hands as we reach for the provision of a loving Father. Comfort wraps around our wanting minds as we are reminded that we are complete in the finished work of Christ.

Equipped with the gospel, we are enabled to endure life's difficulties and submit to God's commands. In love, we can carry the Gospel to others.We obtain the assurance of a Friend who is with us to the ends of the earth-- both the farthest shore and the last moment in time. Clinging to the promise that the heathen are given to Christ by God as an inheritance, we are armed with boldness and confidence in completing our task of love. We can lead another to a new beginning even in the midst of unforgiving circumstances and lingering emotions. For He who has called us is faithful, and in His goodness, He will bring it to pass.

G.E. (College Sophomore)

Prayer in Faith

“It is good that we should have to submit to what we do not understand. it teaches us the laws of faith and hope. 
It is good that we should have to do what we should rather not, in circumstances not of our choice. 
It is good that there should be always something to prick us on, something to remind us that we are in an enemy’s country, belonging to a marching column. 
It is good that we should meet with checks and failures in what we undertake to keep us humble and prayerful. 
All these things belong to sowing in tears. 
God seems to have laid out the order of things in His Church, not for a general and brilliant triumph but for the hidden sanctification of the individual souls which compose it.”
{Janet Erskine}

Turkey: Looking Back

Grace with friends from English school

Well, I've been back State-side for twelve days now. It's hard to believe I was actually in Antalya less than two weeks ago!

Above all of the feelings that came with the hardships of the trip, I have a great joy from the countless lessons learned. I watched in awe as I again saw my God work in truly amazing ways in the hearts of our friends and in us in the past five weeks. Through the trip itself, our team, the Turks, and my personal devotions, He again interwove so many convictions, challenges, and so much encouragement as He revealed Himself yet further. I'll do my best at putting it into words, but you'll quickly see the focus of this post is clearly not on my eloquence.

Darlene with our host, Yula

Of the many lessons, one of the biggest was certainly the incredible impact of my relational investment in the lives of others. It's amazing what can happen when you make the choice to take your focus off of yourself and take the time to genuinely get to know someone! Taking a personal interest in the life of another will help you get below the surface and begin friendships. It paves the way for the a relationship that exemplifies true compassion.

Turkey: Day Twenty-Five

At a cafe with two English students

Sadly, our time here in Turkey seems to be going faster and faster. More and more every day I think of Ephesians 5:16, as we seek to seize every opportunity in redeeming the time. Again I am reminded how easy it is to keep this principle in mind when I know the end is near, though it is at the beginning of things that I must remember it!

Making a friend in Cappadocia

Last week came and went, filled with many exciting happenings. Monday through Wednesday were spent with friends here in the city.  We had good long conversations with many of them and enjoyed getting to know them better. I really love the people-centered Turkish culture! It’s the journey that’s important, not the destination. This means that if you meet someone along the way, you stop and spend time with them—the destination will still be there by the time you get to it.

Turkey: Day Fifteen

Grace in Antalya city center

 Week two in Turkey has come and gone. Much has happened since the last time I posted, and our days have been filled as we empty ourselves into the lives of people.
Last weekend, I was challenged several time with reminders of what sacrificial, humble love looks like compared to what  my thoughts, emotions, words, and actions actually looked like. I was rebuked time and time again in many  ways and through many people, but I was worked on in a great way through it all.

A Turkish flag of red pepper flakes

 I realized that though I expected other people to be example of servant leadership and sacrificial humility, I did not hold the same expectations of myself in reality. My intellectual knowledge of what I should be held no comparison to how I was actually thinking and acting, and I was poisoning myself with my distorted expectations. Thankfully, I finally learned what was trying to be taught to me for some time, and I have since claimed the grace to overcome. Love is a choice, love is not based on feelings, love does not expect return, and true love does not come from myself.

Grace and Randa with a view of Kaleici

 With my new perspective and renewed dependency, the week began fresh and new. Beginning Monday, we started sitting in on classes at an English school to help the students with their conversational English and speaking skills. I so enjoy our time in the classes, as the students are so friendly and refreshingly ambitious. A few of the girls are around my age, and I loved meeting them and listening to whatever they were able to tell me about themselves. Although the two classes I was in were the most basic level, it was incredible to see how advanced the students were and how well they were able to communicate!

Turkey: Day Six

Mitchell, Noah, Caleb, and Darlene on the Bosphorus

It's hard to believe that the first week of our journey here in Turkey is nearly coming to a close! We have seen amazing new sights, enjoyed delicious new tastes, and met some wonderful people.

Visiting the Roman Cisterns in Istanbul

We spent the first three days in Istanbul, getting a feel for the culture while exploring the city and taking in all the busyness of the bustling city.

God wants to work through you!

As I write this, I am sitting half-way across the world from where I call home. I am with 4 other people from my college, and we have come here to study Turkish, teach English, and make friends. A fantastic 5 weeks it has begun to be! However, believe it or not, four weeks ago I was not planning on being here. I will be posting updates about the trip as we continue, but for now I want to share some background of how I got here.

Just one month ago, I stopped in to the office of the director of student activities at my college, just to quickly tell him something. After talking for a couple of minutes, Noah said, "I'm so glad you stopped in, because I needed to talk to you about something." My face conveyed my confusion, and he proceeded with, "Grace, you really need to consider going to Turkey."

One week prior, after discussing my crumbled plans for the summer, Noah had told me that a spot opened up on team Turkey and I would love going. I quickly explained that it was not feasible this year, but he suggested I think about it. I agreed, but later gave it no second thought whatsoever. So, when it came up again, I was completely surprised.

Again I proceeded to explain to Noah all of the reasons that I couldn't justify going to Turkey, primarily because of finances. As he listened, his expression said, "I understand-- God's not big enough for that."